“STOP!!” I demanded, repeatedly as I wrestled a man much bigger than me. He would not stop…

Has this ever happened to you? If you are female and live in the United States, chances are you’ve experienced something similar, or worse. Statistics show that:

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime.
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives.
• 51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance.

My memories from college came flooding back during the senate hearing with Dr. Blasey Ford. As I watched, I found myself weeping at her experience, at the experience of one in three women in our country – and at my own. I had never told a soul till that day.

I had gone out a few times with this guy, a fellow student, whom I met through friends at the University of Florida. He was a “nice guy”, an engineering student who was smart, handsome and fun – until he wasn’t.

A group of friends had gone to a Gator game as we always did on Saturdays and afterwards, he and I went back to my apartment. Suddenly, once inside, he was all over me. Luckily, I hadn’t been drinking. From the moment he began mauling me, I fought back ferociously.

“What’s wrong with you?! STOP!!” I commanded. I tried to reason but he appeared possessed and laughed, like it was a game. It was NOT a game for me. I was fearful and furious at the same time. I was shocked this was happening and that I couldn’t stop it.

Finally, I suspect due to his drunken state, he got worn out and realized I was NOT giving in. I got louder too with my pleas to stop, hoping people in the next apartment would hear me. Perhaps that scared him off.

Finally, he left. I was exhausted and dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe what had happened – and I was grateful for what had not happened.

I never told anyone about this assault, till now. When my husband came home from work, I told him while I cried – for all of us – for the thousands of victims of sexual assault, the vast majority of whom are little girls and women.

Let’s be clear. It was not my fault nor is it any woman’s fault if she is raped or assaulted. But our culture makes women believe they are responsible – because of the clothing they wear; the drinks they have; or the sidewalk they take home. It is never a woman’s fault when she says no. No means no – ALWAYS.

If you have been the victim of sexual abuse, as a child or as an adult, and you haven’t spoken to anyone about it, I encourage you to do so. It is one of the worst traumas a child or adult can experience in her or his life. There is help available. Remember, it’s not your fault.

For Adults

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)

National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1-800-656-4673

Victim Service Center of Central Florida

National Intimate Parter Sexual Violence Survey – 2010

For children, there are trained teams to help abused children and their families investigate, prosecute and recover from sexual abuse.

Orange County

Children’s Advocacy Center / The Healing Tree Counseling

Seminole County

Kid’s House

*Statistics cited are from the CDC and National Intimate Partner Sexual Violence Survey

It took me several career iterations to get on my right life’s path – becoming a mental health counselor.  But for as long as I can recall, I’ve felt “a calling” to be in a helping profession. How long?  Since I was 13 years old.

Recently I ran across a page from a football program in 1972 (complete with coffee stains), when I was part of a Pop Warner Football jamboree. My picture appeared along with a couple of paragraphs, which read in part:

“I am 13 years old…I’m considering going into the field of psychology. I would like to be a social worker or guidance counselor…”

I have no idea how I knew what the field of psychology was, or what a social worker did, but I knew. And I wanted to be one.

For each of us, finding our purpose, our calling or right life work, is critical to our happiness and health.  As they say, if you find work you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.  Because when you use your gifts and talents, you get filled up – versus feeling drained by work that doesn’t suit you. Or perhaps the work is on target but the environment and the people aren’t your tribe.

The good news is, it’s never too late to change.  As I’ve been writing my book on “Reinvention”, helping women find their bliss or true calling, I have spoken to women in their 20’s to their 60’s (so far).  Reinvention is a lifelong process and one can begin at any age. All the women I’ve interviewed report being far happier since they took the plunge to change – to reinvent. (Stay tuned for updates.)

There are many good books and resources on the topic, but an old classic is “What Color is Your Parachute?” by Richard Bolles. In it he talks about clues to finding your right life work and one is: “Where do you get your natural enthusiasm? The greek root word for “enthusiasm” is “en theos” or “God in you”.  Your God-given gifts and talents can be used to make the world better and to fill your heart.

Whether you believe “enthusiasm” is God-given or just happenstance, your passion, your enthusiasm, what is as easy as breathing for you – are all clues to what you’re best suited to do in the world of work. It’s what will make you most successful and happiest.

If you are thinking about making a change, below are a few more books that I have used over the years with clients.  I would also encourage you to search your own past for clues.  What did you love to do when you were younger? What have people always told you you were good at? What did you want to be when you were 13?

A Few Good Books on Finding Your Right Life Work

• What Color is Your Parachute?, Richard Nelson Bolles
• Zen and the Art of Making a Living, Laurence G. Boldt
• Finding the Hat that Fits, John Caple
• The Pathfinder: How to Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success, Nicholas Lore
• Life Makeovers, Cheryl Richardson
• Do What you Love, The Money Will Follow, Marsha Sinetar
• Finding Your Way, Dan Webster and Randy Gravitt